We all know we have truths that we aren’t telling. We are letting other people think we feel one way, when we really feel another way. We might even be acting the part as well. And how good does that make you feel? Maybe it makes you feel good in the moment, but long term, probably the opposite of good. And why? To fit in? Or so we don’t cause an issue that makes someone other than us to feel uncomfortable? To seem like you’ve got things under control so you don’t let your vulnerabilities show or need to ask for help? Been there, sister. We all have. But you know what will help boost your confidence? Saying how you really feel, and not feeling bad about it. As a boudoir photographer, I tend to hear womens’ truths more often than the people closest to them. Maybe it’s because I invite openness by offering my own truths, and maybe it’s because whomever I’m photographing is already feeling vulnerable being in front of the camera half nude. Maybe a combination of the two. But I always hear from my clients that they felt so comfortable in my studio that they wouldn’t normally share that story with a complete stranger, and that it’s such a refreshing feeling to be open. I’ve heard that a boudoir session feels like therapy because you’re letting go of shame and doing what makes you feel good. In fact, my other photographer friend and I who often trade shoots, we call it “therapy” all the time! Why? Because we are baring the parts of our body, no-less to another person holding a camera, that we’re most self-conscious of. The ones we might hide under a bathing suit at the pool, or hide by turning around to change so our partner doesn’t see the parts of us we’re not proud of. If we really think about it, we don’t mean to not tell the truth as much as we do; we do it subconsciously like our brain has secretly trained us to protect ourselves. But we have lots of truths that need to be heard, and letting go of them in a productive way is an instant confidence booster.

Regrettable move: Your partner plays video games every night. You’ve worked all day, you come home and care of whatever needs to be taken care of, eat dinner, and once it’s time for you to relax and spend time with him, he zones out doing something entirely without you. You say nothing, even though you feel neglected. You make yourself busy like it ain’t no thang, go read a book in bed, or watch a show solo, not ever letting him know the way you really feel, and it leads to unheard long-term resentment. It snowballs, and then every little thing makes you upset, and your relationship starts to crumble.

Truthful move: You wake up in the morning, and before you feel triggered and he gets the sense that he needs to defend his video game habit, you plant the seed that you’d love to spend some uninterrupted time together later on that evening. You send him a text during the day saying that you’re excited to hang out with him later and that you wish you two could do this more often. When you get home, get all your stuff done, and it’s time that he would normally jump on the console, he knows that instead of doing that he will be spending time with you. He even admits to you that he’s been feeling neglected by you, and video games was just something he did while you read your books, but he’d rather be spending time with you, like this. You were both feeling neglected, and both not verbalizing it, but it took you being truthful for you to both find out that you’d rather spend time together than be apart. Isn’t that beautiful? You’ve also led by example, and showed him what it’s like to speak the truth so maybe he will feel more comfortable doing it too. Isn’t that something.

Speaking your truth can get you so much further than you’d ever believe. This doesn’t always mean asserting yourself at someone else’s expense when you feel like you’re not being heard. You have faults too, and being truthful with yourself means not hiding those, but working on them just as much as you’d hope your loved one works on their own. And it doesn’t have to be such an obvious truth or fault either, and those may present themselves only once you step outside your comfort zone. Liberating yourself by facing fear, and speaking and communicating clearly, can help you gain the confidence to realize what may be inadvertently holding you back.