We all know we have truths that we aren’t telling. We are letting other people think we feel one way, when we really feel another way. We might even be acting the part as well. And how good does it feel to keep your real feelings hidden? In the long term, probably the opposite of good. And what for, to fit in? Or to keep the peace and not ruffle any feathers? Or to make it look like you’ve got things under control so you don’t let your vulnerabilities show? Been there, sister, I've always had a hard time asking for help. But you know what will help boost your confidence? Saying how you really feel and meaning it. As a boudoir photographer, I tend to hear womens’ truths more even than the people closest to them. Maybe it’s because I invite openness by offering my own truths, and maybe it’s because whomever I’m photographing is already feeling vulnerable in front of the camera. But no lie, boudoir sessions are like therapy. You are baring the parts of your body that you're most self-conscious of, in front of a stranger holding a camera, and trusting her to photograph you in way that feels genuine and beautiful. Many women have even told me that they don't feel comfortable changing in front of their intimate partner of years, yet they're here in the studio, putting their trust in me to capture them this way. If we really think about it, we don’t mean to hold back our truths as much as we realize; we do it subconsciously, like our brain has secretly trained us to protect ourselves. But we have lots of truths that need to be heard, and letting go of them in a productive way is an instant confidence booster.

Regrettable move: Your partner plays video games every night. You’ve worked all day, you come home and care of whatever needs to be taken care of, eat dinner, and once it’s time for you to relax and spend time with him, he zones out doing something entirely without you. You say nothing, even though you feel neglected. You make yourself busy like it ain’t no thang, go read a book in bed, or watch a show solo, not ever letting him know the way you really feel. It snowballs into resentment, every little thing starts to make you upset, and your relationship starts to crumble.

Truthful move: You wake up in the morning, and before you feel triggered and he gets the sense that he needs to defend himself, you plant the seed that you’d love to spend some uninterrupted time together later on that evening. You send him a text during the day saying that you’re excited to hang out with him later and that you wish you two could do this more often. Later on, when it’s time that he would normally jump on the console, he's prepared to spend time with you instead. He even admits to you that he’s been feeling neglected also, and video games were just something he did to cope and got carried away with it. He admits he’d rather be spending time with you, like this. You were both feeling neglected, both not verbalizing it, but it took you being truthful for yourself for you to both find out that you’d rather be more connected. Isn’t that beautiful? You spoke your truth, so maybe in the future he will too now that he knows how important it is.

Speaking your truth may trigger some insecure feelings, but when done productively, it'll make you feel very empowered. Asserting yourself also involves self growth, realizing the part you also play in the situation. Pointing the finger with fault or needing to be to be "right" will usually result in a less than favorable response. Everyone has their faults, and it takes two to tango. Being truthful with yourself means also working on the part you've played just as much as you’d hope your loved one works on theirs. This is a growth opportunity, and you may have to step out of your comfort zone to confront the issue, but you'll learn so much more about eachother once you do. Liberate yourself by facing fear, speaking and communicating clearly, and giving yourself the opportunity to succeed at hard things.