International Women’s Day: A Boudoir Photographer’s Perspective
We need women who are so strong they can be gentle, so educated they can be humble, so fierce they can be compassionate, so passionate they can be rational, and so disciplined they can be free.
K.R.
AS A BOUDOIR PHOTOGRAPHER, YOU MIGHT ASSUME I'M A FIERCE FEMINIST
As a boudoir photographer, you might think that I am a fierce feminist. You might make that assumption due to the fact that I mostly work with women, or because you’ve read the captions I’ve written throughout my Instagram. But if you read closely, I’m much more about humanity as a whole than just its parts, and I firmly believe that making a difference starts within us. The introspective work we put in matters.
WAKING UP TO POSITIVITY & EMPOWERMENT SETS THE TONE FOR OUR DAY
“I want to wish you a delightful women's day on behalf of our team. You are a great example of women empowerment the way you put effort into taking photos and all the hard work you do inspires us to work harder for you. The best quality of you is that you are a really helpful person and in today's world there are very few people like you who care about others. We would like to thank you for always trusting us and hope we continue to work with you for a long time. May God give you more and keep your family healthy.”
This is the message I woke up to this morning, from a company I outsource some work to when things get super busy. They didn’t have to send me this message, but they did. I thought to myself, Wow, SO nice. I also wondered if I was the only female business they sent this to, or if they’d sent a similar message to everyone else they work with? And then, I immediately found myself hoping that they had in fact sent this message to others, and hoped that other women were able to wake up to such graciousness as I had. And it made me want to pay the kindness and generosity forward so that others could feel it too. International Women’s Day is about helping to build women up and encourage them on their path to greatness. It’s about breaking down barriers between us so that together we can build one another up.
Fun fact: I also woke up to 4021 followers. You may have read other references to this number in my posts because this number shows up in my life every day, mostly on the clock, but if not, somewhere else more powerful. In the last year, I’ve done lots of spiritual work, reading on self expression, expanding my self awareness, trusting my intuition, and also lots of research on this number purely out of curiosity. I’ve learned to trust that, when it appears, I’m right where I should be, doing exactly what I’m meant to be doing, and to trust my intuition. When it doesn’t show up for a day or two, I stop to evaluate what I might be doing that’s distracting me from what matters most. And then it starts showing up again consistently and I feel more at peace. Weird? Maybe. But I choose to believe in it and it keeps me feeling optimistic and motivated to stay on track with what my mind and body feels is right. These affirmations are way more powerful than you might think and can greatly affect how we live our lives on a daily basis.
WOMEN INVESTING IN THEMSELVES THROUGH BOUDOIR PHOTOGRAPHY
MY BACKGROUND IN SOCIOLOGY HELPS ME NAVIGATE MY BOUDOIR PHOTOGRAPHY WORK IN A SPECIAL WAY
My background in Sociology has taught me that each of our experiences of life on this earth is unique, but they're also not totally unlike our neighbors'. While our stories may be personal and have their nuances, we also share many of the same battles and commonalities, and that unites us. Sociology, as defined, is the study of the development, structure, and functioning of human society. The study of social problems. The whole of society is broken down into groups by all sorts of demographics, depending on the study at hand, but individual qualities and experiences of each person within that group create an overlap in ways that are much more profound than generalizations made based on race, ethnicity, gender, etc. Unfortunately, and especially where politics are involved, the differences between groups can be exaggerated to the point of polarization based on prescribed ideas fed to us by the media and government. Generalization of groups of people, otherwise known as stereotyping, can often be used as a manipulation tactic to inject fear where those differences lay. We all fall victim to these fearful ideas at some point, whether we realize it or not, even if we think we are ultimately open-minded and accepting of others' differences. A white person may say they have no issues with someone of a different race, however they might find themselves in a situation at some point where their thoughts or behavior, whether conscious or subconscious, result in them acting in a way toward that person of other race based on stereotypes they've learned. It's not necessarily their fault, but they feel some sort of discomfort because of maybe... something they heard on the news about a person of that race. Situations like this can and often do occur between men and women, adults and kids, cis hetero and LGBTQ+, etc. But in effect, what’s created in us when we have these feeling/action confliction is this cognitive dissonance that holds us hostage; we act in a way that doesn't match with what we believe about who we are as an individual, we aren't sure how to handle it, and so we wait for others “like us" to determine how we should believe and act, and we follow that crowd whether they know where they're going or not. That’s dangerous, and it’s happening all around us, to us, and most of us don’t even realize it.
What I’m trying to say is that my background in sociology has allowed me to have empathetic and real conversations without judgement based on class, gender, etc. Instead of listening for the differentiating factors, I choose to seek the bits that make us more alike and focus on those. I yearn to relate, not to judge, and to bring people together no matter their age, race, political belief, etc. What makes us different is our super power, and I believe that when it comes to not only social standards of beauty, as a boudoir photographer, but also in a way that differences shouldn't be scary, they should be celebrated. Yet society likes to stigmatize difference and perpetuate the herd mentality— SEE PAST IT and you'll learn so much more about yourself and others around you. Beauty, power, success, happiness; it's all subjective. We aren't meant to agree with everyone around us. Challenging ideas with knowledge, experience, and understanding is healthy, and we can learn so much from one another if we can celebrate our differences, but also see past them to the overshadowed similarities we hold.
I love boudoir photography because, in a way, it’s a form of therapy that helps individuals to stop comparing themselves to others, and instead celebrate their beauty as something special in it’s own right. I wish for them to have pride in their uniqueness, and not seek to change themselves in order to fit into some sort of "standard". And helping them to see those differences as beautiful, through being photographed by me, is not only therapy for them— it is for me too.
MAKING CHANGE:
TOLERANCE, EMPATHY & UNDERSTANDING OVER-GENERALIZATION & ORGANIZED MOVEMENT
This next statement may come as a surprise you, but I squirm at the word “feminist”. For a concept that’s meant to be so collective and positive, I find its teachings to be very dividing and ambiguous. At its core, feminism is meant to bring women together to fight for gender equality, but in reality, it’s come far from that. Feminists themselves can hardly agree on what it means to be a feminist. Not only that, but it creates an overtly polarizing barrier between women and men, and even woman to woman. What some feminists would consider a movement for equality among our male counterparts, others would call a straight up war against "all that is responsible for the shortcomings of women"— that being, men. That’s just not productive by any means. In the case of woman-to-woman, some feminists call sex work a form of patriarchal oppression while other feminists assert that it’s their body, their choice, and more about self-expression than oppression. Even the idea of pro-life and pro-choice is held hostage by competing feminist ideologies. Is (Can) anyone actually be totally and objectively right, here? So many other factors of life and experience come into play, from one individual to the next, and those factors are important to consider.
What I do know is that I’m 100% against over-generalization, especially when it leads to justifying violence, judgement, and perpetuating fear amongst the masses. I live by the belief that while there may be innate and traditional differences between groups of people, individuals amongst and across all of those different groups share so many similar experiences in their daily personal/work/family lives, and they're very relatable from one person to the next. For example, an Indian woman and an Asian woman in the same office may be struggling with the same feelings about their children growing up with social media, just as a black woman and a white woman may be experiencing the same kinds of communication struggles within their marriage — these are experiences that bring us together as women, mothers, and wives. These struggles and experiences, when shared with one another, can help and make us stronger despite our differences in other areas like race, class, etc. I believe that if we can drown out all the noise of fear, and shift the focus to show love to what unites us instead of what makes us different, and if we can teach our children to live similarly, the world will slowly start to shift as well. We and our children will learn to foster our own unique qualities, and honor those of others while also recognizing what makes us similar, instead of listening to the fearful masses dividing us by our differences into good/bad/wrong/right, and that’s where the big change will come from.
I realize that there are a lot of run-on sentences in here, and that I'm arguing for both the honor of difference and the beauty of the likeness among those differences. There's a lot of gray area here, but that's life the way I see it. Lots of gray, and the navigation of it all deserves lots of grace. If you're someone who feels caught up in all the right vs. wrong and good vs. evil , just know you're not alone — we're taught to just comply, but there's always a fresh argument yearning to be heard and deserving to be considered.
CHANGE TAKES COURAGE; THE KIND THAT COMES FROM WITHIN
Organized movements like the Women’s Movement, BLM, LBGTQ+, etc have their place, and can be very effective in inciting necessary change. However with all of the contradictory information out there at our fingertips, facts become manipulated based on agendas, and what we once considered a trustworthy source can turn out to be the exact opposite. Not only that, but one person’s sensible reason for starting a revolution may be morphed by the masses and lead to a very different looking outcome. As individuals we all have motives, and we also have free will. The scary thing is, and mostly thanks to social media trends and political agendas, instead of doing the research to formulate our own thoughts and doing the work within ourselves, we choose to go with the masses and simply chime in. That is dangerous, misinformed, and also highly contagious.
Take steps backward to disconnect and get to know yourself. Get to a point where you're able to trust your intuition enough to look within for your answers instead of to social media influencers and mainstream media. With so much misinformation at our fingertips, this is more important than ever for your own mental survival and creating a thriving, supportive community.
THE WOMEN’S MOVEMENT HAS HELPED TO CREATE OPPORTUNITIES FOR WOMEN LIKE NEVER BEFORE
The great thing about movements are that they get attention. It took the courage of some super progressive, brave women to stir the pot and demand change, and I'm forever grateful for that. The Women’s Movement shed light on how unbalanced our society is in favor of men, and how little women had a say in life. This movement will never be over, nor will the others movements striving for equality. They're a work in progress, and so much progress has been made. Making a conscious decision to act in love instead of fear has allowed me to see the light in anything, and I choose to be grateful for how far these movements have brought us rather than be angry about what they haven't achieved yet. The opportunities these movements have allowed women to achieve should be celebrated and not taken for granted. I'm also able to recognize the flexibility it’s provided not only women, but men as well. As it was, men were under pressure to be the sole breadwinner for their families and work tirelessly outside of the home while women stayed home with the children, performed household duties, and as a result lost themselves in caring for others. Now, in the 21st century, we can make decisions based on our individual needs and not be held to traditional standards and expectations of genders and their prescribed roles as they once were. A husband might choose to run the house while the wife works a career she's passionate about. I can support myself and my children with a thriving, woman-owned small business and not have to rely on a husband's income. That would never have happened if not for the Women’s Movement, and it took lots of bravery and courage for change like this to happen.
INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY AND BOUDOIR: SEXY PHOTO SHOOTS ARE ABOUT MORE THAN NUDITY
Yes, Boudoir photography encourages women to feel liberated and empowered.
Once upon a time, taking part in this kind of experience would have been seen as vain and crude; it would have been frowned upon and discouraged. Now the script has been flipped, and the world encourages women to feel powerful and confident. It's a beautiful thing.
Yes, women leave my studio feeling more confident than when they arrived.
Somewhere along the line, we’ve been led to believe we’re "not enough" just the way we are by social standards of beauty. But damn are we on a mission to discover and prove to ourselves that we are, indeed, enough, and to undo everything that made us feel less-than-beautiful in our bodies.
Yes, boudoir photography empowers women, and helps them to thrive and flourish in a very unique way.
As women, we were once in a position in society that did not encourage us to grow and make important decisions; we were taught and forced to rely on a man for that. In more recent years, the economy has changed in such a way that we are now not only encouraged to be successful outside of the home, we are just about forced into double-duty. That is, we still have just as much to do for our families inside of the home as well as, and alongside of, a full-time job in the workforce. While our time and money can finally be our own, we are stretched thin. We are in a unique position, albeit a very challenging one considering the shift in how families and marriages work in this new economy, but we are now freed of the conventions that kept us caged as women. With that freedom and power comes a deep need for self care. We are more "free" than ever, but we are also full to the brim with responsibility — if we don't put our proverbial oxygen masks on first, how will we have the capacity to give our best to those who depend on us? We need to find happiness and peace within ourselves, and in a world of judgment and unrealistic standards, its difficult to justify giving ourselves what we need to feel truly liberated, happy, and fulfilled.
“Where does boudoir photography come into this,” you ask.
Taking the opportunity for self-care can be seen to some as a big "dirty", shameful thing. We need to invest in feeling good about who we are, yet for many reasons, we feel or have been made to feel badly about doing so. When we are doing something that makes us feel beautiful and powerful, we can feel liberation and guilt at the same time. But it's important to be able to let go and feel the freedom of the restrictions; to be able to express ourselves, artistically and openly without shame. Women have come so far, individually and as a whole, and it's worth celebrating. With boudoir photography, we are able to unapologetically honor where our journeys have taken us thus far, and are giving ourselves permission to let go and just be without judgement. An opportunity like this may not have been possible if not for the Women’s Movement. We, as women, created this experience to feel the fruits of our labor. There should be no shame in this celebration; look how far we've come? The sky's the limit if we allow ourselves to envision our potential, individually and collectively.
This is not even close to what I had planned for today.
This is what always happens. I go to share a photo on Instagram and the caption space is just never long enough to say what I want to say. This one deserved it's own blog post.
Cheers to change, especially the kind that comes from within and is used to encourage and empower those around us.
HAPPY INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY!
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